So in my post a few days ago…..it was called “Why Would I Feel Guilty?”…..I mentioned that I tried out a new church. Well, I went again yesterday, and I really, really am feeling a connection…….I’m going by myself, which is scary in itself, and it makes me anxious beyond belief, but everyone there has been so welcoming, so nice…..and it didn’t feel like that fake nice you find at some churches…..where they say hello and say you’re welcome to ask any questions etc but then are never available when you need them. Well, last week one of the Pastors of the church, Dave, called me on my cell phone because I had filled out a guest form during the service and he was just calling to thank me for coming and to see if I had any questions etc. I did have questions…..I wondered what types of groups or activities they had that were for young adults in their 20’s and 30’s…..but I also had another question that I was too scared to ask while on the phone. SO he answered my questions about the young adult groups, and he said I could meet with him after the service yesterday to talk more about them and he could introduce me to people. I said that would be great. About 2 hours later I realized I really wanted to ask the tough question that I was scared to ask earlier on the phone. So I looked up this pastor’s e-mail address on their website and I emailed him. I told him about how I was treated at my old church after the diagnosis of mental illness came along, and I basically just asked if it was going to be different at this church. I said I didn’t want to go to a place where I was going to feel like an outcast…..like at my old church….just because I have scars on my arms and I take psychiatric medicines.
We talked after the service, he told me that as humans we all treat each other in ways that aren’t always right. He said he couldn’t speak for the whole church, but that he knew he wanted to learn more about mental illness and walk with me on this journey. He said he was pretty sure that would be the view of others at the church. This made me feel really good, I know that he can’t speak for everyone, and I know he can’t say it will be different…..that was a big question for me to ask, to put on him to answer….but for him to say he wants to learn more, to walk on this journey with me, and then to say that I could and should come to him if I’m ever struggling with the way I am treated or whatever, or if I’m struggling in general and that he would help me to help myself. This in itself is a complete 180 from how people were at my old church. At my old church it was people saying they were there for me but when it came down to me needing them no one ever was there…..with the exception of my good friend Sally, who works at the church and is a member there too. This new church I feel this inner excitement….like I can’t wait to be there again, to hear the message, and to just see everyone smile, hug each other, and it feels like I can’t wait to be more involved and I really truly believe this is going to be my new church home for a long time to come. I haven’t felt this excited in a long time….like it’s an overwhelming feeling of I can’t wait. ….. like a little kid who was told they are going to the candy store later in the day…..well from the time you tell them up until they actually go….that excitement is bubbling up inside.
I feel like God has perfect timing. Like He knows exactly what’s going on in my head, my life, and deep within me…..He does know these things, and He has been pushing me to go to this church for a long time…..but for some reason I just wasn’t going….until last week, when I felt like it was now or never, and I woke up with this sense of peace over me….yeah I was anxious, but I was ready……God truly is an awesome God.