A friend of mine, AJ, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor 18 months ago. He took it with the best attitude I have ever known anyone to take news like that. He fought hard every day, and had the best smile on his face all the time. He was a joker, always teasing others and making them laugh. He was a father to a young boy who just turned 4 in the last two weeks. He was a hard worker, genuine, and selfless, always making sure others were doing ok. His mom is one of my best friends. AJ died this past Friday, November 25 early in the morning with his family around him as he took his last breath and went home to Jesus. He is in the best place he can be now. A place of no pain, plenty of love, and a view that no one could ever imagine. He is with his whole family, taking care of them still, and filling their hearts with love. That doesn’t make it any easier for those he left behind. His family is a wreck, which is to be expected, and his son just keeps asking where daddy is. The fact is, none of us understand why God wanted AJ home, why He took him in this way, but we do know that AJ fought a good fight. He showed all around him what true love is, what it means to live a full life, and how to live for today not yesterday or tomorrow. Please keep AJ’s family in your prayers, they have a lot of support but no amount of support will make this loss any easier, only God and time can help heal these wounds.
I mentioned in my last blog about a guy I work with, and the discussion we had centering around the abuse I went through by my uncle as a kid. Well, I sat and talked with him some more on the following Monday at work. We sat and talked for probably close to 45 minutes. I truly have never felt so understood, so worthy. He was talking to me and telling me how much I deserve the help he was recommending, and how much better my life could be if I didn’t have this abuse hanging over my head constantly, if I didn’t let what happened to me be part of what I define myself as. I cried during our talk, I told him thank you. Thank you for being so real with me, and so transparent. I told him he was the first person to talk to me about this abuse that didn’t seem apprehensive or scared to bring it up. That in itself meant the world to me. It showed me I didn’t have to be scared to talk about it either. The following day when I went to my therapist I told her everything I talked about with the guy at work. I told her I wanted tackle this head on and that she was going to have to push me because I knew I would probably resist and try to change the subject at certain times or try to not talk about it due to fear, embarrassment and shame. I told her I was ready for this but I knew it was still going to be really hard. She heard what I had to say and told me she was on my team and that she would help me to help myself and she would push back if I pushed at her with resistance. This is exactly what I need right now. I am scared to death, but ready. We are going to work our way through a book called “The Courage to Heal: a Guide For Women Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse”. I think it’s going to be really good for me. It’s concrete and specific and will walk me right through it. I can take small steps, even though they are going to be some of the hardest and biggest steps I have ever taken. I am doing better than I was a month ago, just an update to you all. I have had a medication adjustment and a few consecutive ECT treatments to try to kick the depression that was happening in the butt. I’m still not where I want to be, but better than where I was, so I’ll take that. Work has been going well, and home life is decent. I can’t complain really, I am truly a blessed human being, and God surely works in my life every day.